You may have heard me trying to come to grips with the unexpected a few posts back. You may also have read my moaning about bad luck in another post. Well, as it turns out, that stuff was just setting me up for some truly difficult, unexpected circumstances. That stuff was just small potatoes.
Most of the story is Craig's to tell, but I can give you the bare bones. Craig's doctor sent him for a stress test a couple of weeks back. His results came back abnormal and, last Wednesday, the cardiologist revealed the need for a heart catheterization on Friday.
Yipes! Talk about unexpected bad luck! Why the rush? Was he going to drop dead of a heart attack in two days?
As it turns out, Craig's heart is fine. No balloon inserted, no stents installed and no blockage detected. That was a pretty awful experience to find out all is well. I'm glad Craig's heart is fine, I'm glad we have that information, but I would not want to repeat the procedure.
You may be getting the impression that this was all about me. I'm aware that it was not my femoral artery that was punctured to feed a wire into the chambers of my heart. But, this is my blog :) Besides, as I said, I can only share my portion of the tale.
I feel as though I'm still processing the lessons involved. I'm finding it hard to care too much about the busy-ness I had rolling before last week. Sending lunch money on Friday or emptying the dishwasher seem a bit frivolous and unimportant. Given time, I'm sure I will re-enter the mainstream of my life, but it feels as though I need to sit still for a while and allow the lessons to percolate and filter out.
I feel tremendous gratitude that we got the best possible outcome. I sat beside a family that received the worst-case results ... 90% blockage, immediate double bypass, do not leave the hospital. I heard the wife say that she thought everything would be fine. I felt the same way before Craig's cath.
I am more committed than ever to my own health. I value longevity in a new way. It is crystal clear to me how vital it is that I remain vibrant, healthy and alive for my young children.
Talk of living wills and emergency plans between spouses has a way of putting things into immediate perspective. I notice that any of my earlier concerns or pet peeves have dissolved. I think my feelings were valid and warranted, but that was before and now it's as if something has shifted and the mundane doesn't really have space in my life. I guess it's akin to the realization that dishwashers and lunch money are not all that important.
As I was walking through this experience, I was able to reach a calm and the words "peace and calm, health and healing" were my mantra. Also, the words of my friend with the ill child still resonate.... all that matters is health and love. Lesson learned.