Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Feeling Squirmy

You know that feeling when you squirm in your seat a little? You can't rest easy? You can't push your uncomfortable feelings down?
That is what I call feeling squirmy. It is a highly technical term that I've coined to capture that feeling of internal turmoil. So far, I haven't found a better way to describe it.

In my first post I was talking about about my feelings of nervousness and apprehension when it came to launching my own blog filled with my personal thoughts. The decision to launch involved weighing one set of squirms against the other. It's often a matter of determining which set of squirminess is acceptable to me. In this case, the squirmy feeling I had about blogging was tinged with excitement and possibility so it was an easy decision.

"Feeling squirmy" has come up a surprising number of times when I work with coaching clients. It is a fairly easy feeling to identify and when I say "squirmy" everyone has always known exactly what I mean.

I've found consistently that areas of squirminess are excellent places to begin when you want to rebuild your life. I know if I feel restless or unsettled about something, that particular something needs my attention and action. I'm out of synch with myself in some way and I know it.

Most often, my own squirminess arises in areas that are unaddressed, incomplete or denied. If I were to go searching for my squirms at this exact moment, I would find the large and the small, the significant and trivial all mixed up in a mess. Luckily, I live my life with an intention to be squirm-free so I am happy to report that the consequences of unaddressed squirminess is minor at the moment.

Current squirms? Nothing too earth shattering. Food on the counter has to be put away and I have to get off the computer. (Trying to do too many things at one time and not doing any one of them particularly well is a constant squirm for me. I guess that comes with the whole multi-tasking mother of two thing).

We don't have a will. (as I pointed out in my strategy session post below). This is a big squirm for me - when I wake up at night I worry about it. Sure sign of high level squirminess. I can't stand the feeling of being unprotected and irresponsible. I won't get into the many obstacles and reasons I have for not completing this task, but I have recently brought it up to high priority and it is my goal to have it complete before the end of the year.

I dream of a day when my list of undones, incompletes and denials is short or nonexistant. My cynical self-talk says "when you're done with one, twenty more will just join the list and your squirminess will never subside". I choose not to believe that and I imagine how fabulous it will be to wake up in the middle of night, count my blessings and revel in the peace that staring down squirminess brings.

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