Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Resisting Change

Living my life with two small beings alongside has changed things (a massive understatement). Ironically, it's changed my perception of change. I am generally quite good at taking on new things - or at least I was. I can move to new cities, create new habits, rearrange things without too much difficulty - in fact, you could say I've even become addicted to the rush and exhilaration that healthy life change brings.

Sometimes I fret and fuss a bit, but usually I can deal.

What I've been noticing though is that the pace and disruption of change has tripled as I feel the effects of Mya and Lucas' life changes too. Sheesh, I'm almost 40 and had just about mastered my own feelings about rapid change. Now I've tripled up on my load of worries.

Here's an example - it is December 30, 2008 and I am already stressing about August 2009 when Lucas starts kindergarten. Am I nuts? That is eight months away people! He will be fine; in fact, he is going to flourish. What could I possibly be obsessing about at this early stage?

It is not logical. I am just anxious about the change. Things will be different and that stresses me. I understand that there is nothing to worry about. I also understand that any amount of worry is useless and accomplishes nothing. Yet, I feel the resistance mounting.

From my observation, it is human tendency to become more and more resistant to change as we age. That does not bode well for me. I am getting older; I am getting less capable with change.

I think I can remedy this though. A little bit of mulling, a decision to act and I will be a change-lover once again.

Here's what I've learned in my mulling stage. The ability to accept and embrace change is like a muscle. It must be used. If I want to increase my ability to perform well in the face of change, I need to face a lot of it. I need to work and rework my skills at dealing gracefully when things shift. Maybe it's time to experiment with taking Mya's pull up off when she sleeps. I can begin to experiment with taking away her pacifier. Both are changes I've been dreading.

Another thing I understand about change? It is inevitable. Resistance is futile. Imagine the hours just before dawn and then picture me standing there yelling at the sun. "Stay down, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT rise this morning. I like things perfectly well the way they are. Do you hear me? I do not LIKE change so I command you to stay just the way you are."

Then, the sun begins to brighten the horizon and it brings with it the most marvelous beauty and clarity.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

I don't think it's nuts that you're thinking about Lucas' education. It's really one of the bigger decisions we make about our kids and their lives.

I wonder if it's that we become more resistant to change, or if we become more ourselves as we age. Jason's grandparents love to move and have that change of scenery, and it seems the older they get, the more often they throw their lives into upheaval.